I listened to the songs that I have collected for a long time tonight. Each song reminded me of bits and pieces of my yesterdays. I might feel too nostalgic this evening. Should life have this moment for one to think back? Or will this moment to think back make one’s life more meaningful and tasty? I was depressed–I could have reached the degree to cry out as an outlet to vent, to burst off the steam and to get a piece of mind. But I didn’t, I don’t know why I didn’t. Perhaps work has made me tough. Work has made me to see the priority between emotional arrangement and work responsiblity. Or perhaps I had known crying didn’t help much in reality before I let out myself be emotionally uncontrollable.
I suddenly feel the tireness of living. I really wonder if the daily tempo has been too fast to sit down and rest. In fact, my job offers me lots of time sitting down, which makes me bored and weary. This time last year, I was still unwilling to accept the Opt. 2 of my life; one year after, life indeed has moved on, but not too far though. I remember I was so enthusiastic to strive for my goal, but right now the passion obviously has subsided. Knowing my peers are all doing what they want, my heart is kinda bittersweet for my own situation. Well, it’s not that bad, in fact. But from time to time I just lost myself like a blind bat.
Think back, from middle school to college, I had been someone’s target to compete. I was more passive in this regard. But thanks to this attention, I was pushed to do even better. Now, I don’t see anyone one will give me this pressure, except I keep pushing myself too hard to breathe. I hate living in this kind of life!!! Above all, I hate myself.
To those who read this entry, sorry about the way I express myself. I don’t mean to freak you out. My heart is very heavy at the moment, I mean to face myself and rescure myself. God bless! I will say my prayer and talk to YOU tonight in my dream. Mea Culpa.