Let’s talk about missing

The chief  editor told Grace and I a secret that she’s looking for a new job, when time comes, she will leave CE. The news was out of the blue and I suddenly felt like a thunder rumbling on my head. Three months ago when I was still in my probation period, my boss who gave me the job, left the company with a sudden short notice to the whole company. I felt sad that he left so soon without seeing me progress as an editor. I wanted so much have him as my colleague in the company. I felt kinda secure when he was around in the company. He was someone that I felt I was under his wings. Anyway, after he’s gone, the only person I felt close was our chief editor of CE:Teens. She has taught me a lot of editorial skills and shared much of her experience with me. I felt grateful to her. But now she tells us that she’s planning to move on into a better working enviroment, on the spur of the moment I seem to have lost something…
Sigh…I’m so down right now. I start to think whether the sentiment of missing can kill somebody. Well, I don’t have that deep emotion towards the chief editor but I know it will take me a long time to recover from losing somebody close. Since the day I knew myself was such an emotionally-bent person, I have been afraid to get involve with closer relations which includes both ordinary friendship and more-than-friends relationship. I dare not to think how much pressure and sorrow and maybe grief I have to take when someday the one I love leaves me for heaven; I dare not to assume how heartbroken I will be when my very best friends stop corresponding with me. Yes, I was told how much affection you devote to someone, how heavy the pain will be when that connection disconnects. When I stops here, my eyes are blurry with a grievous heart. I want to speak to someone who is somewhere on the west hemisphere that I care about you but in order to avoid suffering the terrible pain and sorrow later someday, I’d rather retreat in the progress of our friendship.
The chief editor talked about her future and the future of English publishing this field besides telling us her secret decision. Again, I immediately buried myself into contemplation. She has been working at CE for over 2 years. Now she decides to leave for a better self-improvement. That’s understandable. Then how many years am I going to stay at CE? Where will my future end in? Four years ago I attempted to have a big jump to move the cheese in my life, but my parents’ conviction postponed me; last year I wanted to give a real try out, but I failed; now I wonder if I will be still in the waiting and watching, waiting and watching cycle by the time when my friends come back from their futher study overseas. The future suddenly become misty and chilly…

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