I haven’t been quite myself since yesterday afternoon. I thought a flick would help me to ease the stress a bit but until this morning….
This is what I wrote to my friend, something to savor:
A good reputation is better than expensive perfume; and the day you die is better than the day you are born.
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all.
Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding.
Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death.
It is better to have wise people reprimand you than to have stupid people sing your praises.
Life could be better if I am not that serious about it. (Suddenly, I associated myself with the novel "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" Ha~I really don’t think I wanna be a person of heaviness. But that’s life, what else can I say?) I realize I am not only restrict with myself but I also want this discipline affects on people who are around me. All of a sudden, I wanna lecture those who disobey the traffic regulations and despise the traffic lights; I only hope everything will be shipshape, and I really wanna tell off some people who deserve it (Do I sound like I want to rule the world? Ha~~probably!); I just want to tell my friend from highschool that I care about our friendship and do not wanna let it go. But it seems…it seems so difficult. After watching "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", I was so moved, where could I find that type of understandable friendship? Where?
Yea, the friendship stuff twisted my outlook on life again. Probably the bust originates selfishness and self-possession. Human beings have this animal instinct–very unique one–no matter how advance today’s modern technology is, we cannot get rid of this shortcoming, or perhaps a more neutral term "characteristic." What the little girl said in the flick was right–To some extent, we are losers. We are all LOSERS! All through these years, I have been searching for a piece of mind and the understanding of someone, however, sadly speaking, in vain. Her remark right stabs into my heart, "I am sorry to say I know Molly much more than I know about you." I feel I am a pest, a really notorious pest to everyone that I think they may sort of know about me.
(I can’t help shedding tears but I have to calm down myself and wipe the tears off…) It’s not the first time that I have been hurt by the blade of friendship. So the tears can’t work much to heal the wound in my heart. I reckon there is some kind of friend only popping up in front of you when you get the fame and success. In my Mexican friend’s eyes, I was a celebrity in town for I could run a nice English Club casually; In my Yankee friend’s eyes, I was gregarious for I was friendly with almost anyone in the English Club; and in my Chinese peer’s eyes, I was an ordinary, secretive and tom-boyish pest/person, basically no inner feeling to share. Does that mean I am a simpleton. That’s tragic!!!
As I’m growing older, more and more I see myself having the traits of my parents. The silence and pessimism of Dad’s, the outspoken mind and kindness of Mom’s; Dad’s perfection and strictness towards almost everything, Mom’s over-concern and worry about others…Above all, Dad’s sentimentality really affect a great deal on me. I tend to be more fastidious and cynical, too. Oh Lord! Just take a look at my parents, then I see the shadow of me. With the combination of Mom and Dad’s traits, I wonder how much contribution I can make to this society and how great achivement I can make in my life. I only taste sour and bitterness of life up to this point.
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again
I shall not live in vain.
-by Emily Dickson
SCREAM if you wanna vent, CRY if you wanna be heard!!!