Am I a lonesome fetishist?

Am I a lonesome fetishist? Could be, but no idea.
Why do I ask myself this question? Coz I realize myself having a serious problem with crowds. I HATE taking crowded buses; I like going to theatre which has as few audience as possible, if none but myself is even better; I like going to restaurants with almost no customers; (why almost? coz it’s a bit hard to reach the ideal of no customers.) I like swimming or shopping in a place with almost no souls; I like traveling to places which tour groups cannot reach or even no other tourists; and I would like to stay much longer in the exhibit room without people… Yes, last Sat. when I had a lunch at an empty restaurant, I was surprised and delighted. I said to my friend, if I let my thought thrive, there would be no business or disaster to the business people. My friend replied to me alertly, “Coz your country has a big population, you are avoiding people with an understandable reason. There are, in fact, few places in China with less-populated people–that is, everywhere you see people.” True, but he was half correct. I believe I make a particular fetish of lonesome. I will get away from the noisy surroundings, hustling-n-bustling city life or congested occasion, the farther the better. However, sometimes I have to talk to myself or imagine there is somebody around me–simply because I am a bit afraid of being alone. I still remember those nights when I had to turn off the light myself before going to bed. That was a bit daunting. I gotta slowly fumble to my bed after switching off the light, and covered myself with blanket from head to toe for fear being attacked or something. Then I huddled myself up to count “one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi, four…” until I fell into sleep. Never would I want to be the last one to go to bed, even until now. Ha! Think back, I just laugh at myself.
Am I a lonesome fetishist? Could be, but no idea.

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