Since watching the New Year concert which commemorated the 250th anniversary of Mozart’s birth on Sunday night, I have been away from joyful mood for 72 hours. So I haven’t left any words here although I did once have the impulse to write something. Until I received an email from my musician friend from Georgia, I finally chuckled. What was about the message, you might wonder.
My friend wrote, "Thank you so much. I hope you got all my e-mails I sent you. I brag about you here all over where ever I go." Although it was a short note, a sort of unspeakable delight came to me out of the blue. I replied to my friend and said, "Yes, I got all your emails. Georgia is on my mind, so are you–my dear friend." I have delayed answering my Polish friend’s email and my Spanish friend’s email too, oweing to pressure of work. I feel sorry, but I also know every time I write to them, I have lots to say. Chatting with friends is a way to communicate. Today when I listened to the music at work, I felt myself was kinda alone. Between music and my ownself, there is nothing and nobody. I was pretty much in my own world, except my eyes were looking at the windows on the computer screen. There was information about Holland in those windows–cuz I was doing the April travel column. I don’t know what made me so stern in the past 72 hours, it might be work pressure, conflicts about traveling, fatigue, emotional stress or even those weird whimsies.
Yesterday when I was on the bus, my eyes were extremely weary and sore. I was almost zoned out after working at the computer for a whole day. A strange thought hanged on my head–what if I was losing my sight day by day? I tried to look at things afar hard, dunno why the images were blurry. I almost believed what I thought was correct. I told my friend that I had been down for days but I didn’t say it because I didn’t want everyone worried about me. My friend understood my point and made a judgement immediately that because something is gonna happen and I don’t know how to handle it. I am stressed out with reason. At first, I couldn’t believe that but later after I digested my friend’s words, plus I checked out the fear inside me, I knew my friend’s judgement was right. The days without laughter is so heavy, I mean all of you seem to be dragged by something; each step is tough to make forward. But I may get used to it. Perhaps I am a person who likes to be hidden in the dark, just like the theme of this space–I’ve changed many times, but it seems the dark color ALWAYS lasts longer.
I wanna get out to take a fresh breath. After making up my mind to visit the Netherlands again, I feel the warmth of the sunbeam in my world. I visited the country once when I was working a project for my writing class in univ. Now because of the travel column in the mag, I return to my dreamland. Everything about this country is so familiar to me except for the increase of this visitor’s age. Sigh…