Venting

I saw a dead mouse this morning. Oh yuck! It’s a sign of a bad day, I guess.
 
Below was written last night:
 
I don’t know how to describe today. I ended today unhappily. In fact, I might be quite irritated. I ended up having a quarrel with the security guard downstairs of my house. What a jerk!!! I hate losing temper. But it seems it is uncontrollable when your temper wanna erupt. It did! In fact, I reckon I cried after losing my temper these recent two times. Perhaps I was under tons of pressure!!! It’s not fun at all when you are angry or stressed out.
 
So was at tonight’s dinner. I guess my patron had no idea how much stress I underwent during the dinner. I was miffed when tea spilled over my pants accidentally. I was uncomfortable when being putting in the situation of helping someone who doesn’t speak Chinese at all to explain and look for the right dish while on the other hand the waitress was kinda pushy to indicate something similar to what I described. Yes sometimes being a bridge of communication is tough!!!
 
I tried many times to access to my space but in vain. Darn!!! What the heck with the world? It seems everything goes on the contrary to my will. Perhaps I am really getting tired of life, or even getting tired of myself.
 
Mom walked away from me in the evening as soon as she found out I talked at her. I didn’t mean to though. I apologized to Mom and she understood how hard I felt. She comforted me that I should let it be, I won’t get any benefit from winning the argument–you cannot get that bumpkin’s salary or his food. Don’t bother!!!
 
I actually wanna sit down and write something nice or thoughtful. But now the recent uneasiness spoiled my mood. I need something fresh to brush away my sulkiness. How many "Bloody Hell" or "Holy Christ" or "Bugger" I have to say or have I said so as to burst of my steam? Darn if you do, darn if you don’t.
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