Now it comes to the third entry I wrote tonight. Well, precisely speaking, it’s now after midnight already. I went to an awesome concert last night with a friend. The performer was a Korean pianist. Two pieces played at the concert were both piano concertoes with distinctive up-and-down emotions. Sometimes the music was as peaceful as a placid lake; sometimes it was as intense as a frowning face; sometimes it was as mellow as a juicy fruit; while sometimes it was as sombre as the overcast night. I actually associated it with my personality because I was once told that I am a mercurial person. Perhaps I am, perhaps I am not.
But from my reation to my friend last night, I can’t agree more that I am mercurial. I know I was upset mainly because I wanted to be respected and be treated with sincerity. If someone knows he has made mistakes but he refuses to say sorry or pretends nothing has happened, then I will be very disappointed and angry with the person.
I don’t want people hiding things from me. Probably that’s why until now I still haven’t got a peer bosom friend. If you want to say something or show something to me, please say them all and show them all. If not, do not tell me you have something not suitable for me. I really wonder if one day I terminate the friendship with this friend, whether he will keep something in his wallet as remembrance or maybe he will chuck everything I sent him. Who knows? Every time I try to deny something which may become a fact, I have to undergo a hell lot of pressure. I am afraid I won’t get the respect I deserve.
I dislike others say something different from action. That’s only hypocrite would do. It’s unforgivable if someone behaves hypocritically. Dad often says, treat others like the way you would like to be treated yourself. I sincerely respect others and hope to be treated equally. However, it’s not uncommon that there are some people who sugarcoat their “truthful promises.” I don’t understand why they do so. Everyone should have his/her own space for their little secrets. Just as Ang Lee said, even husbands and wivies cannot be completely frank with each other but will still try to achieve as much as possible. I am afraid I will be in the way between someone I know and the one he loves so much even after the separation. Moreover, I am scared I will be injured by standing in the way without any protection. I cannot take so much stress that I’ve already been taking. It’s close to the metaphor as risky as dating with a tiger.
All I am asking for is simply to earn the RESPECT that I deserve. Period.