Morning Panic

"Bang bang bang…bang bang bang…bang…" a series of knocking at the door woke me up from deep sleep this morning. Someone came to check the gas reader number. Headache immediately sieged my entire head. I was deep into my dream…
Soon I went back to bed but my heart was beating so fast that I was unable to go back to sleep. As soon as I laid down could I feel my heartbeat like the repetitious poundings on the door. The dream was about my self-esteem got injured and my fear for the future. Probably I was affected by my previous entry, when I wrote I might change my working enviroment, it could be a teaching job as I was a teacher in my dream. I seriously warned my kids not to speak ill of others. I was embarraced to meet my elementary school classmates. My actual experience mingled together with my dream. I was very stern to my students and taught them not to give ugly nicknames to others, asking them to respect others sincerely. It’s not uncommon that I often mix my dream and reality.
I cried first thing in the morning. I was fearful, very fearful… As my friend says, it’s a bit unusual for young people like me to feel frightened of their future. Old people are constantly scared to think of their future as their days are numbered. Yet, I haven’t reached that age but I was in panic this morning. My future was too foggy to see its path. An outburst of tears told me how fearful I was. The pillow was wet, so was my hair. Polar bear was tightly gripped in my arms. No words could accurately described my panic at that moment. It was like the surge of the sea in an uproar with water splashing agaist the rocks ferociously. My emotion wasn’t calm at all. After a while the emotional wave began to ebb away. Tears were still shedding silently along the curve of my face. The tear trace was a bit warm…
Until now my head is still a bit heavy from the sudden wake-up in panic. I start to wonder if everyone has his/her own morning panic, no matter s/he is evil or benign?

3 thoughts on “Morning Panic

  1. Hi Connie, thanks for your appreciation and comfort! It really means a lot to me. I can\’t agree more that everyone has to overcome obstacles before getting happiness again. I try to balance my emotion these days. Sometimes it\’ll be better if my heart is heard. Welcome back to my space!

  2. As an international student here, I have encountered many difficulties.
    But one should try to pick up the positives of life.
    I\’m so happy for you whenver I see your pictures in different places.
    If you smile to your life, it will smile to you too.

  3. Hi, Karen. Sorry for not contacting for such a long time.
    Hope you can enjoy every moment of your life.
    Everyone has her/his own life and not every one of us can be happy all the time.
    But we should really learn how to be happy and confident.
    If you are not happy with what you are doing, work hard for the life you want.
    Then I\’m sure some day in the future will be your day.

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