Satisfied or Not?

I was inspired after reading my friend’s space. My friend is studying in England right now. She is about to graduate and now facing the common question that every international student from China has–Should I stay where I am and make a living here or should I return to China to establish my own career?
Generally speaking, most Chinese students, especially girls tend to choose the former option. Why not? Where they are now is much more advanced than China, the living quality is fabulous, guys are cute there so on and so forth. By comparing that country to China, I assume they probably can name a list of 10 good things but only one or even none about China. I am not surprised about that as when I am tired of China’s governing system, I sometimes will also make a lot of complaints. However, the more I get to know about my country, the more I see the world through other people’s eyes and different media, my conception has changed and I start to think deeply… As my close friends often say, Karen likes to complicate the matter. 🙂
Basically, we only have to ask ourselves one simple question–am I satisfied with what I have now? If yes, we don’t have to change because we are gratified; if not, we have to strive to death for it. My friend and I both have the same symptom of "Peterpan dreaming" which is trying to escape from the reality. Although we are in two different worlds, she admits she is not ready to face the reality–she enjoys what she’s having now in England: travelling, partying, dozing and doing all sorts of things she likes. I feel happy for her. She’s a lucky one that she’s having the type of life she’s been pursuing. On the contrary, my fate doesn’t allow me to explore life. I’ve become the produce of monotone and dragging life. I don’t see any difference between life in Hong Kong and life in Guangzhou, probably in HK the working enviroment will be more competitive and it will offer me more opportunities to see the world. Other than that, I still have to live in "a forest of cement" and try to excel in the overcrowded society–it’s as simple as getting on a bus or getting out of the metro I have to run to be the No.1. How sarcastic it is!
There are two kinds of life–one is living for living; the other is living for dream. I watched TV news this morning, it says New Hampshire has become one of the states which have a fast-growing number of immigrants. My immediate reaction was like "Gosh, even one of my dream states is overcrowded. Nowhere I can move my cheese now." Yes, if only I were someone who is so easy to content with life. I would’ve chosen to stay where I am or give a shot to compete with other elites in a big city in order to make a living. But my heart tells me that I am rebellious and dissatisfied. I am still hoping some miracle will happen to me that I will be able to settle down in my dreamland, having an easy but creative life. The reality is that life has become heavier for me. As time goes by, I realize it’s not only my own decision but my family’s.
If I were facing my friend’s situation, I might turn to my friends in UK for advice. The reality is from what my British friend told me that, it is not easy to find a decent job in England, even for the British citizens. What can a foreign student do in a country whose culture is quite different from ours? We are not English native speakers, it’s no way we can compete with the local writers and journalists. There are tens of thousands of excellent people in their home country. Why would the employers bother to hire a foreigner? The only possibility is working in the Chinese restaurant, or working for the Chinese employers, or possibly work at a really trivial position at a firm. In my case, that’s totally too far from what I want. That’s why I say at the beginning of my entry, living for dream is usually superior to living for living. Yet, the reality has forced us to go with the flow; the reality has made the decision for us.
There is one thing from Bible I disagree which is "life isn’t equal to everyone, nor even God’s grace." If we don’t save our lives today, we’ll sink in the sea of anonymity. For example, to an amateur writer like me, if I don’t look for opportunity for my creative writing, all the inspiration will vanish someday. Dad has taught me to live independently, do not rely on anybody if you can fix the problem. I am, I am still keeping the faith that I can take care of myself as well as my family. During the past fortnight, I’ve proved to myself that I’m capable of doing many unbelieable tasks both at work and at home. (Next step I probably should learn some mechanical or electronic skills.) Funny though, as a lady myself, I occasionally need a shoulder to cry on. Yesterday when I was on the crowded bus, I barely found a spot to stand. However, I managed to hang on till I got off bus. On the way a guy standing next to me, he spread his long arms gripping tightly to the bars. He was like an eagle spreading the wings. Thanks to his huge size, I felt being protected because his body had block the influx of crowd to my tiny "territory." I don’t know if my mom would feel the same way as when we go out together, I often protect her from being pushed on the bus.
Life moves on… It won’t wait for a second for you to decide which way to go. But nobody is better than yourself to know what you really want. When I was a little girl, I did think about escaping to a European chapel to be a nun–nobody recognizes me while I can meditate the philosophy of life all the time. Perhaps that’d be my eventual satisfying shelter…  

4 thoughts on “Satisfied or Not?

  1. I am aware of your parents\’ thinking. I believe our parents\’ generation all have a very pessimistic viewpoint about the future of China, it\’s all because they have been though the toughest time in China\’s history. Quite a few people and my family of my parents\’ generation also advice me to go overseas to develope myself. The bottom line is how you see the problem. It\’s your life, your future, if your observation and prospect of China is positivie, it\’s not a bad idea to return to China. Foreigners see opportunity in China, especially big cities in Shanghai, Guangzhou etc. They study Chinese, learn Chinese culture, just because they see gold in this huge land. You\’ve seen the western world, you should have a more overall perception about the world than me. 🙂

  2. damn….i havent finished my comment but msn posted it without my permission…..
    anyway…go on…..
    i want to stay here only becos i love the freedom here…or say….i want to escape from my parents\’ control and the reality in China. But no matter if i can find a job here,i will come back China before the Chinese New Year. 😉

  3. i always tell my friends that my family want me to stay in london. yes,they do. they really want me to stay in uk cos they think although i can find a decent job in gz. however,they still think that its not good for my future career cos they dont think China can offer me a sound enviroment for my so-called \’bright future\’. To me, actually i am still thinking about if it is neccessary to stay here. i do agree with u that it is not worthy doing jobs like waitress or dish-washer here only becos of the working permit. if so, i would rather go back China even though it is true that i can earn more money by working as a  waitress. Your friends are right. its really hard to find a job here. so is to get a working permit.British immigrant bureau  issues working permit only if the company cannot find a suitable applicant from the country and other european countries.  

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