First of all, Happy Birthday to my dear dad!!!
It’s getting more difficult to sign in this space. God knows, probably He thinks I am no longer good at writing. In fact, these days whenever I wanna write down something, my heart just stopped me from doing so. So although there were many things happened in the last few days, I couldn’t write them down in time.
The biggest thing worth mentioning is other than writing, I’ve found another outlet to burst off my steam. That is drinking. For some strange reason, I wanted to hit the booze last Friday. I was vexed at my life and wanna ask my friend out. But I didn’t at last. ‘Cause at the back of my sober mind, I told myself that I might be drunk if I was on the booze. It’s safer to get drunk at home than at the pub. So I got a bottle of red wine and started to drink it at home. Originally I wanna just have a little which could be of help with my sleeping. Yeah, I must be under great tension. My biologic clock has become disordered these days. For someone like me who enjoy sleeping in, I wake up as early as 7AM on the weekend. I am afraid I am a nervous wreck too. The feeling after boozing is awesome–your mind is a bit high and light-headed. Just at that very moment you can give yourself a break, completely relaxed, giving no attention to anything or anybody and even taking the risk of your health by asking for more.
I come to realize that booze only can help me to escape my trouble temporarily. In the end, for instance, the next morning after I wake up, I have to face the same situation as well as my tiresome life. There was time in my life that I wanna do something quite different. To be exact, it should be something rebellious, abnormal and even sick–get drunk, play truant, talk nasty, or even free my abstinence. But eventually I didn’t do that–I didn’t have the guts to imagine myself in that type of life. Parents were strict with me for fear I would learn bad things or went wild. Perhaps because of that, I’ve shaped myself as a very self-contemptuous loner.
I started to wonder whether loner will attract loner. The loner character inside me suddenly had a crush on the other loner in prison of a drama TV series. Then by all means the loner in reality kept downloading all the missing episodes of “Prison Break.” This kind of chemistry feeling happened once a few years ago with an architect named “Leo” of the TV series called “Realitivity.” From David Conrad to Wentworth Miller, from Julliard to Princeton, is it a change of my taste? Yet, I still like David Conrad for his great acting skills.
Anyway, time to change another topic. I’m getting sick to focus on my life. I tried a new bottle of red wine last night. Yes, I was doing better with the cork opener. Someday when I become really experienced in it, I wonder how much booze I can take at one sitting. We’ll see!