Another Friday

It’s another Friday. I try to write something cheerful but besides saying tomorrow is a day-off, I cannot think of anything happy to write about. A couple of friends told me that I tended to see the dark side of a matter, that’s why when the outsiders see my life so joyful but I cannot see it my own. Maybe every Aquarius has the same trait of pursuing freedom and ideal happiness. They never feel content with their life because they believe there’s always something better than what they have now.
I am gonna spend this Friday like the way I used to, no adventure or climax but peacefully living in a quiet but busy world of my own. Obviously once you are used to a monotone type of lifestyle, you are getting weary of the repetition. My BFF tries to avoid talking about work with me. The other day when we had dinner together. I asked him why he was so silent. "You’re so fed up with your repetitious work. I don’t wanna ask you about it," he answered frankly. I sank into silence too. All of a sudden, I feel myself so dull and boring. I don’t feel like talking about my life with anyone. If so, I just say something briefly.
It looks like my friends abroad who are either studying or working now haven’t got tired of their life yet. As a matter of fact, they enjoyed it so much except from time to time they are homesick. But that’s not a major issue. Last night I looked at my bookcase, saying to myself, if only I had time reading all these books which have been standing there day after day. All I need is time–I can read, study another language, prepare exams, start writing short stories, sleep in, travel, search for my philosophy of life and many other things. But to achieve all those things, I must have money. I am not a material girl but my ideals are built on materials. As Mr. Chen Yang, a renowned news anchorman in town said, for young generation, we must first know how to gain money, assuring we will have a full stomach and get clothed. Then we can think about how to realize our dreams.
Sadly, I find myself tied up with meeting the premise of dream realization in these couple of years but have overlooked what sort of dream I wanna realize. I could sit here being an editor year in and year out. But am I gratified with that? The other day when I was selecting the poster photos of Poland and Prague, one of my colleagues said to me, "Wow, the pictures are so beautiful. Are you working on the travel part?" "Yes, I am," I replied enthusiastically. "If your mag can sponsor you a free trip there, that’d be wonderful," she said jokingly. "Yeah, that’ll be brilliant!" the art editor answered. After working the travel column for totally 17 issues, on more than 17 places/countries I have covered, I can proudly tell my friends who have been to those places that I also know about those tourist spots quite well. The difference is only they have pictures of their own in front of the landmarks as evidence, but I only have my memories. As my father often says, you don’t need to travel every places on this planet but you can read about it, always absorbing knowledge, that’s how I learn about your English world as well as those non-Chinese societies. Now I start to understand the truth of dad’s word. He’s really a wise guy. One time I remembered quite clearly that the TV program shows the St. Mark’s Square of Venice, I could immediately recognize it before the caption showing on the screen. So is the time with the landmarks of Berlin, Germany.
Perhaps I should listen to my friend that I shall slow down my tempo and appreciate my life instead of grumbling about it. Is this my Friday introspection?

2 thoughts on “Another Friday

  1. Yes I totally understand how you feel. I think your family has put too much pressure on you. But first of all, you gotta ask yourself if you also wanna that way. Or in the end, you will regret or be very unhappy because your parents have made that decision for you. It takes time to mingle with a new culture. Just like I told my friend, I seem not click with my folks but I can handle quite well with expatriates. That\’s why deep down inside me I believe I can have a life somewhere on this planet other than in my motherland. So you must trust yourself and listen to your heart but not just act like a puppet by anyone. I know how it feels when you feel like being an outsider among your colleagues. As you said in your space, just be comfortable, whatever can make you happy and easy then do it. There is not ACT 2 in your life. Whatever decision you make should be true to your heart. I\’d love to meet you again if you ever come back. You know I saw Huang Shaozhi at KFC the other day. She\’s a grown up now. 🙂 So are you! Cheers, gal!!!

  2. yea..well…its quite introspectional…..but it does make sense.
    i dont have a good mood these days becos of the call i made bak home. i am so tired of my family\’s force of urging me to find jobs outside mainland China.You know what,sometimes i really want to go back cos i miss my parents and my friends in China(of course including u~). Its really hard to find a sense of belonging here becos of the cultural difference. When i worked with a lot of people in the stadium,i dont have much to talk with them and sometimes i cant quite catch what they say, which make me a little bit upset. After that,i would think that is it becos of my introverted personality or my poor interpersonal skills…..
    When i poured out all the dissatisfaction to my friend last night,he didnt say a word?! And then left me a message saying that it was not a good time to talk to me cos i was in a tension…..
    My emotion fluctuates a lot these days and i dont even know how to control it…maybe thats why we called the \’lost generation\’
    Anyway,all the best

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