I had an awesome Friday night with my artistic friend. Four glasses of Tequila Sunrise have prompted me to spill the beans of my innermost feeling and act something that I’ve been wanting to do since school time. What a night! (I now understand why in the SMS, it says it may be an all-nighter!) I felt I was back at highschool time, sharing stuff with buds who are really willing to listen. I am not so sure if I got drunk but I guess it was safe to get drunk at friend’s house, just like one week ago I was tipsy after drinking a bottle of red wine at home. Last night it was different cuz I had someone to talk to. It wasn’t an agonizing drink like last week but a self-emancipation one. Just picture the scene when volcano erupts after some years accumulation, or pulling the trigger of an overloaded gun. It was wonderful that you could get the stuff off your chest, especially in a state of tipsiness, the moment when you kept saying you were having a sober mind but you want so much your mind to be hypnotized by some sort of power…
Was I in pain? No. Was I in happiness? No. As a matter of fact, I was on the verge of both–the feeling is just like you are so painful but you wanna seek for something high and addictive to forget the trauma you are having. This led to the topic of marijuana, from that to sacred orgies… It was so cool!!! Please don’t think that I am having an emotional breakdown. Remember in my last entry I mentioned I wanna do something that I didn’t have guts to do when I was a schoolgirl? Whatever it is soothes me and above all, without regret. (I thought I would but I didn’t.) My friend sees through the fear inside me. Yes, I am always aware of someone will take advantage of my fear deep inside. I start to understand for a lady like me, you need different kind of guys in your life–your dad is your role model and who later you will find out you have inherited so many traits from him; a friend who sees your growth and share your ups and downs just like a guardian angel of yours; a friend who can drink with you and do something bold with you; a friend that gives you fatherlike love and opinions and more who are still being discovered. Of course there are some guys in your life who attract you but you never have chance to get closer or some who are pestiferously loving.
Anyway, my friend helps me to realize that the most fearful thing is the fear coming out of yourself. I went to IKEA today for a mattress. It was my first time to visit IKEA. The one in my town is kinda messy and lack in good service although there are lots of cool stuff there. Well, shopping for furniture you gotta be in a good mood, or you’ll definitely buy the wrong thing.