In Deep Grief and Veneration

My dearest remote family and friend passed away around three in the afternoon (US eastern coast local time). His expected death was a shock to me. I didn’t expect this day would come so soon although I have been hearing his health is deteriorating in the last few years. I used to call him "superman" because on one Halloween years ago, he put on a superman suit smartly. I still kept that picture. Ever since then, every Halloween I would think of him–my healthy & smart Uncle Vince. Think back, it’s almost ten years ago.
One of my fears finally falls upon me–I am not there. Five years ago, the night before I enrolled in college, Sept.12, 2001, I watched the Twin Towers collapsed on TV. The first call I made was to New York, I shuddered to think if anything happened to my family friend. Sorry I wasn’t there to witness and help. I’ll never forget that very night before enrolment. Two years ago, my western daddy from Arkansas had made a promise to meet me in Canada for the very first time. Sorry I wasn’t there to welcome the historic moment between a father and a daughter. Last December, I was invited to participate my best teacher friend’s wedding in Wisconsin. Sorry I wasn’t there to be part of the once-in-a-lifetime event. Last night I could have been by the side of Superman’s bed, keeping Aunt Linda’s company. Sorry I wasn’t there. All these years, I have been waiting, waiting and waiting… If I made up my mind to tackle the visa problem five years ago, I would have met Superman in person. It will be my sorrow for the rest of my life.
For one thing, it is good to be treated as family in the States; for another, even myself is uncertain when the reunion will happen. It’s been years I have heard about the family members, they are so close to me but on the other hand they are so far away. Those several times of chatting on the phone have become the last memory of Superman and me. It seems I was transported back to the day when my grandma passed away. My veneration for Superman is no less than that for my grandma. I have no regret for my grandma’s leaving cuz I was there. But it’s quite different in Superman’s case. 
Dad always says if anything wrong happens to him, he will choose to leave the world right away instead of becoming burden to mom and me. I still keep a strong disagreement against my dad’s. If you can take care of someone you love, it’s a significant sign and greatest deed to show your affection and care. Burden this word only fits on those who don’t really know you let alone loving you. Yet, I was told that Superman’s death was a relief to Aunt Linda. I believe sooner or later she will miss her life companion. That’s the very time she needs to talk to someone and have a shoulder to count on. Although over and over again, I tell others and myself not to dwell on sorrow and sadness. For a sensitive human being, it’s not an easy thing to let it go. Never will it be.
May God hear my most sincere condolences for Superman. Hope he will get peace in another world. Forever loving ya, Karen.

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