A New Step to Grow Up

Wow, what a surprise! It’s after midnight. I am supposed to compose this new entry yesterday! Heehee. Never mind! Better late than never.
Today’s headline is–
KC learned to use ATM to deposit for her new bank account. She also used her first visa credit card for the first time.
I feel these two new tries signify my another phase of growing up. In the past, I often thought having a credit card was a businessman or business woman’s prerogative. Well, I am not a business woman but remember–at the age of 24, I own my first credit card. I am an independent consumer and I am responsible for what I spend now. I told my BFF today that  I felt a credit card was like a time bomb. If I am not careful, I will overdraft more than I can pay back and end up with a snowball of debt. So today the very first thing I did was make sure with the bank that I would pay my full bill in one time. Anyway, despite the risks, I am still happy to own one credit card. Dad made a funny joke the other night. I asked him whether he would like to have a credit card. He asked me in return, “Can I use it at the store downstair?”
“No, you can’t.” I said.
“What about the restaurants I like to go to?”
“Er…probably cash is preferable.” 
“So it’s useless for me to have one.” He made such a conclusion right away.
I just admire his wisdom of life. Jeepers! He’s right. When it comes to emergency, cash seems to be a quicker solution, especially in China! Father’s Day is drawing near. I hope I can take dad and mom out and “show off” my credit card. LOL
These couple of days I am busy reorganizing my files at work. My team has realized how much work I have done over the past two years. I am amazed at myself too. For my heavy workload (I undertake the most pages of the magazine), I am still the first one in my team to finish my assignment every month. I am really efficient, ain’t I? The deputy editor in chief once asked me if I would missed the teen mag. So did the art editor. Well, indeed yes. But when I redo the same old tedious work, I can’t wait to give it up. I wonder, if one stays at one point too long, no matter how exicting the things he is dealing with, he would feel numb or inert? In my own case, I do have that feeling. Right now I anticipate the new challenge at the speaker mag. It may not as wonderful as I expect but what I tell myself is, learn something new before I finally quit the job.
My avuncular friend always advise me not to quit my job until I have a concrete idea about life after resignation. Gosh! For a youngster, we just make decision out of impulse. Yet, the more careful we plan, the less risk we will take afterwards. But sometimes I think to myself, the more I think, the less I might want to change. To some extend, I can’t wait to get over the life I am dealing with now. I want to go to somewhere exotic to have a new lease of life. Probably I am such a loner that I am always seeking for a place to hide myself. However, that’s quite opposite from my another viewpoint that I wanna be recognized. Jeepers! I am toasted!
Can you believe tonight I wrote to my friend with tears? These days tears keep running out of control. Luckily, they’re all shedding in secret. What will the teen mag be like in the days without me? What sort of fate is lying ahead for me? How many more nights that I will dream of being deserted without love and care? When will be the next time I laugh out loud again? Right now, I am as perplexed as the question “to be or not to be?”
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