Due to an unexpected power failure, I gained a day off on Monday. Well, actually I didn’t gain anything as we were asked to go back to work this Sat. to make it up. I am tempted to take a leave on Saturday though. My promise to mom cannot die. When I hesitate about whether I should take a day’s leave, I resort to two people for opinion. One is very positive about my idea and is even willing to compensate my lost financially. His viewpoint is I have worked too hard and I ought to take a break from work. If mom is still alive and needs me to be with her, spending time with her is much more valuable than buring my head into work. I am so touched by his support and of course I buy what he says. The other guy is kinda skeptical. His first reaction is a rhetorical question–can’t you do that with your mom on Sunday instead?
I know actually before I ask the second guy I have already had an answer to myself. Or I wouldn’t have been upset about his response. I am not surprised that in many cases I have an answer before asking others for opinion. Just because others hold a different opinion from mine, I will automatically deny it or reject it. I also believe if someone is sticking with me long enough, he will understand my temper better and will be humane to me. In the sense, the second guy has not yet reached that degree. Probably he overestimates his ability to help me.
Coincidentally, I came across a US official at lunchtime. Speaking to her was a highlight of the day. I’ve never expected to be so close with a government official. I care less about the big names over the conversation but more on her ideas to promote Sino-American culture. I really wish to work with people like this kind who are full of zest and vigor, and on the other hand, are looking for an outlet to have freedom of speech. I raise my thought to the same two guys. One is very supportive. He believes I can do it well in the cultural and public affair aspect. The other one is half serious half joking. He said to me, "Do you want to be Ms. Suck-up, too?" At that moment, I really didn’t know how to react. Did he look down upon the position or did he respect it as a career? Maybe from the very beginning, he just believes I only thrive under an influencial figure’s wing. How much I hope he would be serious to offer suggestions, better or worse.
Anyway, I am invited to two weddings in the States this year, guys! I am supposed to be overjoyed. Alas! I am afraid I am gonna miss them again. I missed one wedding in Vermond already and a funeral in NY last year. If I get invited to another wedding again, I will really be the same as the movie title that I will miss "four weddings and a funeral." If only you really can dig up a hole in your yard to China, I don’t mind burrowing in the hole to see you guys. LOL!
I read an article in NEWSWEEK lately about a stage four cancer patient’s experience at NY Memorial Sloan Kettering Center. I used to have a whimsey that mom would be cured by the magic hands at that Center. Even in my dream I dreamt of that. But after I read the article, I’ve known better about what kind of treatment the Center will give to stage four patients. I don’t think mom will live better in the life given by the Center than the one she’s having now with the aid of Chinese herbal treatment. In fact, I kept thinking after reading the article that what dad said quite makes sense. He says, to the patients’ family, extending the patient’s life may mean a world, yet if prelonging the patient’s life requires the patient to suffer a huge amount of pain and discomfort, the wish to live longer in the world is meaningless. Based on what the writer wrote about his experience at the Center, I assume he has suffered a lot of pain. Come back to the other article I read the other day, which I also quoted here, the patient is pretty much solitary in the bout of cancer. As the closest family of the cancer patient, we only can empathize and witness the patient’s intense agony. I know it’s even worse to see someone you love to die right in front of your eyes. This is how strong your spirit can be chastened. So far I only can interprete this message from God.
May the lightning and thunder guide me farther, may the tears of heaven wash away my fear and cleanse my spirit. All my prayers to Mom, Amen!