It is September 1st. I am a bit thrilled. I haven’t had this feeling for a long time. Seeing kids going to school this morning, I feel happy for them. I really miss those carefree school days. Those used-to-be laughter and joy with my classmates is memorable. Soon the fall will come. My favorate feeling will return again–going home from school in a breezy and sunny afternoon in the fall.
I hope I will relive this feeling next year. I sometimes wonder whether I am avoiding unhappiness in reality by going back to the ivory tower. It can be a very peaceful vision or even a warm-hearted lifestyle to live on campus and study as much as I want. A few days ago my friend asked me when I was planning to look for job. I was uncertain. I told her I wanted to sign up for Spanish classes and work as a social worker for a while.
Yes, when I was at school, I often admired those who did not need to go to school and could spend their time as freely as they wanted. Now I am one of them. I am jobless but I feel no shame at all although sometimes I do think of going back to the work. I thought to myself if I now returned to work, would I be happier? Would I feel less stressed than preparing for further education?
My close friend reminds me that it has been quite a long time I haven’t shopped for clothes or even gone out for relaxation. My direct and honest answer is, I don’t make money as much as I used to be. And I really don’t feel like shopping at all. Visiting the local wet market is probably my pasttime. This is part of the ordinary life I am experiencing. Indeed, I have realized my mom’s passing has changed my life values completely. I have become much braver than before. I am now not afraid of touching the dead poultry or raw pork. It is true that you will be braver once you try the first time.
It is quite a change from a girl who doesn’t cook to now a young lady who can make dinner and cook Cantonese soups for her father and herself. I sometimes feel myself is playing a role of a housewife, taking my mom’s responsibility to look after my dad and me. That is my promise to my mom. I must say her weeping and emotional talk on the phone during my visit in Inner Mongolia last October repeat on my mind at times. It has propelled me to move on and not give up hope of living.
This is my realization on School Open Day. I have really grown up rapidly over the past one and a half years. I am sorry for those who cannot go to school today because of natual disaster or financial difficulties or many other reasons. I am with you. I deeply feel the same how miserable it is when you want to study but you are not able to.
May God help those who help themselves! Amen!