I just came back from class. Knowing that I don’t have immediate housework or homework to do, I just sit down to write something. So far I have taken two classes. I can’t say so quickly that I like it although I had said to my professor that I enjoyed the way she gave lecture. American classroom is full of fun. Students can laugh; so can professor who is the main joker. There is no studious preaching or a scene of only one person do the talking here. It is an interactive activity. Sadly, I still cannot tell when my professor is joking and when she is talking seriously. To be exact, I don’t quite get the jokes she makes yet. Probably I haven’t watched enough hours of the late show of David Letterman or sufficient flicks starred by Eddie Murphy or Ben Stiller. I hope I can get over this interesting communication blockage soon.
My classes require lots of thinking and writing. That’s the premise of this course: Creative Writing. But I am not a quickie when it comes to the generation of storylines. I am a slow-to-warm-up type. So it usually takes a while for me to be in the writing mode, followed by streams of ideas. Probably that’s one of many reasons that I cannot be a daily journalist who has to write on the spot in order to meet the deadline. I cannot write in public. That’s something I know so well about myself. Writing is a personal communication to me. But I have to make a little change now. And I have to. Because as a student of the writing program, I need to be responsive fast; I need to be sociable and I need to be able to write in all environments.
Over the last few days, I kept asking myself, am I in the right program? There are not many Asians, particularly native Chinese like me, who dare to challenge the English-writing society. I am told by several people, including my professors, that writers tend to live alone when they are producing. The entire process of generating ideas in words is so lonesome. I don’t particularly care for that. But I do notice how lonely it can be for a non-native speaker trying to step a foot into the English literary academia. But if I can do that, I will be so proud of myself. It will be indeed a very bold endeavor.
I am doing an undergraduate course in the meantime taking graduate courses. I have to work harder than the native writers as I have to take more credits than them before I graduate. I have doubts in myself as always. I really don’t know how far I can go. But since this opportunity to study in the land of opportunity is precious to me, I have to grind out some miracles.